It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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