i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
