we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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