good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i think i just lost a toe
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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