I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
