Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
