my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
