i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
