i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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