I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
