I look better un-naked...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
