the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
