U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
