so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
