everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
