god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
