absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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