so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize