I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
