She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
