i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
