So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
