So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
