There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize