what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
