Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
did you just send me my own nude
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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