i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
