You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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