You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
