I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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