On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
