she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
