NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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