I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
