To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my poor anus
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
