Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
