which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
