Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
