i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
