I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
