new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
