I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this boner is exhausting
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
