May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Even my vagina gasped.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
