I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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