Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize