They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
