Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
