it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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