this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
