hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
