Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
