So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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