Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
