Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
false alarm, still single
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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