i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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