I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
