it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
