No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
