If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Mom said you looked used
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
