Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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