I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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