Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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