so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
