Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
