he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize