Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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