watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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